im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
