Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
