The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
