Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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