Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's even glitter on my cock...
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