I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Of course I have a pirate flag
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
