wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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