If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
