i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
