Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
