I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize