What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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