Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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