I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm bleeding and have questions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
