i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
