we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
