I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
