and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
