she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
