Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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