spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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