The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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