I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My ass is underappreciated
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
