my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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