We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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