dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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