Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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