So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
