you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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