Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.