woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type