rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.