I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?