I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.