Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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