I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
