He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
