if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
