He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
