When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
