Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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