so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
