So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
