i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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