My room smells like vodka and shame
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
