Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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