Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
