Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
