Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
