I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
