last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
