we're blogging at a bar
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
