i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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