I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
