I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
