Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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