Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
