the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
