There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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