My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
