Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
