this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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