i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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