I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
