i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
