Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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