Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
